The Fallacy of Nigerian Parenting

Hey, all. I'm not my usual happy self. Yesterday was a day full of tears, insults, assumptions and just all around negative chi. It was the most honest conversation I've had with my parents, yet nothing was resolved. I feel like after all that, nothing has changed except for the temporary walking on egg shells.

One thing that was established last night, or better yet, re-established, was the hierarchical system of parent and child. Parents tell their children what to do, no matter how rudely, harshly, or unnecessarily mean they do it. They are validated because they are Nigerian. Children are supposed to blindly obey and do whatever you ask (whether it is to clean the kitchen or eat hot coals) with a grin.

I thought I reached a breakthrough with my mother, but every time we seemed on the verge of doing so, she just got back up and mocked me, saying things were 10X worse in Nigerian.

Let me just start off and say: WE ARE NOT IN NIGERIA!!! I don't know how many times we have to say that. Yes, y'all had it rough and we understand your sacrifice, but don't blame us for everything. Don't take out your anger on the outside world and bring it to your home, then say you have a right to do whatever because you are Nigerian.

Another thing, it's like Nigerian parents are NEVER wrong. My dad, who has never tried to pursue a relationship with his daughters, is validated because why wouldn't I go downstairs and tell him about my life? He's a Nigerian man, so it's all okay. It's all my fault, see? My mom isn't wrong to beat me STILL when there's a miscommunication. She can use her harsh tones on me, but she catches the slightest detection of disrespect and I am super evil.See how quick the whole "we don't understand we are yelling" excuse vanishes?

Nigerians are more like Americans than they believe, because they are both hypocrites. I hope to God that I don't raise my kids as hypocritically as my parents have done so. I appreciate everything they do, but I can no longer deal with trying to balance the two worlds. They want my American independence, but Nigerian obedience.

From now on, I just need to be the dutiful Nigerian daughter they want. They'll probably be too overjoyed to not hear me speak to realize that I'm just an empty shell. Oh, well. Three more summers of this (if that) and I'm living in LA full time.

Until then,

S.